My boyfriend jumps from being hot to cold – should I stay with him?

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I know about myself that when I’m feeling insecure I have a tendency to put my walls up (Picture: GETTY / METRO.CO.UK)

Metro’s agony aunt Em Clarkson is here to solve all your problems. This week she’s handing down sage guidance on how to screen older men for some questionable fantasies, and how to rebuild after feeling like mental health issues make you unlovable. Read on for this week’s reader conundrums and Em’s advice.

I work in a small team, and I don’t fit in – they all text outside of work, but I’m left out. How do I fix this?

I’m really sorry to hear that you feel left out because honestly that’s a really horrible place to be. I think first things first, try not to assume the worst. When we are hurt by a situation, it’s all too easy to keep our ego front and centre and misread a situation as a result. It’s easy to convince yourself that it’s deliberate on their part, or that those messages they’re sending are about you, or that you’ve somehow done something wrong to cause this situation. Honestly this probably isn’t the case. For whatever reason you might just not have found an opportunity to connect yet, I know about myself that when I’m feeling insecure I have a tendency to put my walls up, which is a bit of a vicious cycle. That may not be the case for you, but if it is, I’d say that there’s no harm in dropping your guard a little bit and perhaps making a bit of an effort to insert yourselves in their conversations or trying to initiate plans. If, that is, you want to be involved. Because the other side of this coin, is that there might be a really simple reason as to why you’ve not got close to them and that’s just because they’re not your kind of people. Which is okay too. You don’t have to be friends with everybody, it doesn’t mean you’ve got beef with them either.

Ask Em Clarkson: Your questions answered

My boyfriend doesn’t want to have kids because of my mental health issues
I fear I’m the cause of my partner’s mental health struggles
My husband’s farts are so bad they’re destroying our 30-year marriage
My dad’s cheating on my mum – but she’s desperate to win him back
My best friend chose to get married a week after me. Is it normal that I’m furious?
He called off our wedding but we’re still together and now I’m really confused
My parents are so sad my sister is single – but I know her little secret
I constantly fear my boyfriend’s female BFF is going to make a move
My boyfriend is the best man at a wedding, but I wasn’t invited. He’s still going…
My partner makes more than me – but refuses to pay more of our bills

So I think it’s important that you work out what you’d like and follow your heart in that direction. Most people are really just nice, and I think your efforts will be reciprocated, and if they’re not, and these just happen to be the small minority of people that aren’t that nice, then I’d say you’re not missing much in the first place. Good luck either way xxx

Metro columnist Emily Clarkson (Picture: Natasha Pszenicki)

I have recently started seeing a guy. He treats me so well and showers me with love until a different version of him appears and he turns so cold. It’s like there’s two people and I feel so stuck on what to do. He’s got quite a bit of past trauma and I’m almost certain this is what triggers his moods. I don’t want to leave a great guy because of things he’s had to go through. But I’m also worried about the future – especially the coldness. What should I do?

Alright I say the following with nothing but love, but there are alarm bells ringing for me here. Because whilst I love love, and passion, and to hear that you’ve found a really nice guy, I am really really nervous to hear about his mood swings, particularly so early into the relationship. As I have got older, I’ve come to learn that consistency is THE most important thing in a relationship, and it doesn’t sound like this guy is offering you that. And whilst I’m sorry for him that he’s been through trauma in the past, I don’t want you sitting around in the hope that you can change him, or harder still, fix him. I totally understand that it feels hard to seemingly leave a guy over his mental health battles, but that’s not how I see it all. I think he clearly has some stuff to work through and that will be easier for him to do alone

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